


Four Gay Idiots Just Tryna Live Their Lives

by Jimcloud



Category: Monster Prom (Visual Novel)
Genre: A bunch of other shit but if you've played Monster Prom you know what you're getting into tbh, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, More characters as I post probably, Multi, Nonbinary Character, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 00:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14532492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jimcloud/pseuds/Jimcloud
Summary: What more do you need than the title?Alright, fine. Follow the lives of four tragically gay imbeciles and their newfound love as they adjust to lives forever changed in the wake of the most important day for any self-respecting monster: Monster Prom. It's a bunch of fluffy shit written in the style of Monster Prom, but it's GOOD fluffy shit, god damnit.





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes you think you have things pretty good in life. A few profitable side businesses you've invested into, the sexy, sexy favor of a scary lady, and grades that your peers would die for... assuming that any of your peers actually gave a damn about their grades.

But then your brain tells you that you should fuck Miranda Vanderbilt, and everything immediately goes to shit.

You slam on your keyboard immediately at the thought - with attached vivid imagery, of course, what kind of useless horny bastard do you think you are? - and input a bunch of garbage characters into this spreadsheet. So now you need to undo. Again. This has to be the third time this hour.

You thought that this would go away once you popped the metaphorical cherry. That as soon as you got some, you would stop wanting it. That was always your childhood experience - food, video games, friends, everything. But if anything, it's been _worse_ since prom night. Vera was... Well. You never expected a blood ritual to be THAT kind of fun, that's for sure. And you can't stop thinking about what it would be like with other people! Damien, Amira, Polly - _Polly,_ whom you consider to be nothing but a useless waste of ectoplasm. (Rude, by the way.)

But nobody more than Miranda. God, the way she looks at you when you give her an idea to enable her nonsense monarchy... You begin to realize this is not the most helpful line of thought for fixing your problem. You need to focus.

"Why, hello there, Oswald!" A lilting and princesslike voice singsongs behind you. There went your focus.

You politely ask her not to call you Oswald. ...Actually, you kind of wanted to go a bit stronger on the whole 'stop calling me by my dad's name' angle, but also, you're a spineless piece of garbage. So.

"Oh!" Miranda gasps as you turn to face her; delicate, scaly fingers draped over luscious pink lips... Oz. Oz, focus. Oz. "My sincerest apologies, Oz! In my kingdom, it is typically considered impolite to refer to individuals by nicknames, especially if their name is inherited from another in their family."

You tell her things are a little bit different when your 'dad' is a giant, writhing mass comprised of millions of little shadow monsters held together by a gestalt consciousness. She nods, taking this all in.

"So..." Her eyes glint in a way that makes _your_ consciousness gestalt, if you know what I mean. "How _do_ the profit margins look?"

Well, you know, could be better, could be worse. You haven't finished crunching all of the numbers yet, but you're close enough to finished that you could probably make up the last couple and be done with it. You're sure Vera will want to see your handiwork sooner rather than later. Everybody wants to get in business with Vera, see, and at this point she has more business offers - and ongoing businesses - than she wants to keep track of on her own. Which is where you come in. It's your job to check what the moneymaking potential looks like right now, and help her figure out which of her enterprises she should be investing in and which she should be pulling out of. For example, Vera's car breeding business is raking in money hand over fist... mostly because Damien keeps setting his cars on fire (Intentionally? Accidentally? Who the fuck knows with Damien.) and buying new premium racing cars straight from Vera's studs. Meanwhile, Antytyr, the anti-tiger app Vera and Polly made, is beginning to stagnate. Strangely enough, when you make apps in response to Polly and Amira's shitty impulse decisions, the money moves just as capriciously.

"Aaaaand..." Miranda claps her hands together, clearly disinterested in your long-winded explanations of stuff she doesn't care about. "CrowdSerf?"

...Well, you know, could be better, could be worse. It's making money, but it's hard for supply to meet demand. There are so many masochistic people in the world, but only so many ready to volunteer for working conditions okayed by Vera and Miranda, of all people. There's a reason you stay on their good sides.

Miranda grumbles, frowning her face at the screen, like she's willing the numbers to change. You've never really 'gotten' the petulant side of her, but in a way, it's kind of cute. Totally at odds with the part you're used to, the side you understand.

"I don't suppose there is a way for you to... change these numbers a bit?" She asks. Her bottom lip is pouting a bit. "To better reflect the true usefulness of this program! Daddy would have a fit if something happened to CrowdSerf."

Ohhh, no. No, no. That sounds like an easy way to get your ass bit, and getting bitten by Vera's snake hair is only nice when she gives you the antidote afterwards and you don't spend an hour writhing on the ground in what might be death throes.

"Perhaps then you could... fix the profits yourself?" Miranda bats her eyelashes at you. Ugh. "Make us a bigger profit so Vera doesn't drop the business?" She smiles widely. Ugh! "Pleeeeeeeeease?"

UGH. Fine, but you're not required to enjoy it. Miranda winks the wink of a mermaid who knows when she's gotten her way, and kisses you on the forehead, promising to 'return the favor' for you later.

You realize she's left the room a couple of minutes later, when the capacity for conscious thought returns to you.

See? This is what happens when you want to fuck Miranda Vanderbilt. Shit gets complicated. Still, you sigh and pull up some info on CrowdSerf. Hot monsters aren't gonna fuck themselves, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet our first POV character and local horny asshole, Oz. I like to think they embody the part of the game that encourages you to fuck everybody else in the pursuit of monster smooches. I'm gonna futz some stats (as in make up, these aren't from a real run or anything) for each of the characters as I introduce them, just to give you an idea of their personalities and capabilities.
> 
> Oz:  
> Smarts: 21  
> Boldness: 7  
> Creativity: 8  
> Charm: 13  
> Fun: 3  
> Money: 18
> 
> We'll see more of this problem shadow child... later ;)


	2. Chapter 2

You never expected you'd find somebody who was able to keep up with you. Even among monsters - where murder classes are the standard - you've always been called shit like "hothead" and "firebrand" and "playing with fire" by idiots who don't have any respect for the finer things in life, like crime or debauchery. You've also been called those by people making shitty puns, but you can think of cases where those weren't puns, mostly because the people saying them groaned after a second or two. Obvious sign. Point being, you're a forward thinker. And you didn't think you would find anybody who thinks like you.

For once, you're very pleased to have thought wrong.

Damien LaVey is sprawled out next to you, naked, playing Pokemans Go on his phone. Granted, not the most romantic afterglow you've seen, but you're sipping wine out of a ram's skull so you think you're probably carrying the team this time. He's tending to his humans, no doubt - setting them up in quaint suburban houses next to a dumpster or whatever awful thing he's got planned this time, feeding them a diet consisting exclusively of their most disfavored things, and otherwise making them hate their shitty corporate lives. It's that sort of commitment to making others miserable for no gain whatsoever that you admire in a monster. Though gain is a bonus.

You tell Damien that this is kinda nice.

"You going soft on me?" He asks, eyebrow arch and half-smile indicating that he has no purpose here except fucking with you.

You tell him where he can stick it (not in you after that, fuckface). He laughs. You laugh, too.

"We should invite Polly next time." He says.

You mull it over. Polly _is_ indescribably good in bed. And also you have a thing with her? Of some description. Fuck if you know what to call it, but it's _definitely_ a thing. It's like... if you and Damien are a bonfire, you and Polly are serial incidents of arson. A little weird for Damien to not be related to arson in this metaphor, but it's not bad for something you pulled out your ass in a second flat.

Oh, right. Threesome. Damien was asking you to schedule a threesome.

You think about it, and tell him that you'll ask her if he gets the drugs this time. He rolls his eyes. He knows you just want to duck out of paying for the good shit - or the really, _really_ bad shit - and he's right, but also, you can have sex with Polly whenever you damn well please, so who's benefiting here? (It's Damien. Damien is. And you tell him that.)

"Fine, fine. Get off my fuckin' back." He sighs. "What should I get?"

You cross off hallucinogenics. No ayahuasca, NO super-shrooms. You don't want Polly thinking you transformed into Principal Giant Spider in the middle of sex. Again. It was funny the first time, but no.

"ChimChem, then." He shoots a fingergun at you. You hate him just a little bit more in that moment. "Kidding, I'm kidding! Damn, girl, you have a hell of a glare."

You tell him to get the stand-bys: ecto-cocaine, weed, alcohol, and a little ecstasy just in case.

"Right. I'll go find a dealer to beat up." He looks down at his phone and his face lights up. "Oh, _SHIT!_ There's a Jeb Wilkins nearby! I need to find this fucker!" He jumps out of bed with a fervor only reached by a man searching for collectible accountants, and rushes to the door.

You remind him to put on pants before going outside, because there are much sexier crimes he could be arrested for than indecent exposure. He reluctantly stops for pants, a shirt, and a jacket before leaving.

Doubtless he's immediately forgotten everything you've just talked about, but it's whatever. Damien things. You'll just remind him next time he shows up. In the meantime, you really should put some clothes on, finish up the wine, and get this day started. It's about noon, and you almost definitely missed at least... a few classes.

Like hell you're missing Fishstick Friday, though. You think you'll see if you can't find Miranda, dramatically eat a few in front of her. It'll be funny, and what more do you need out of life than a good time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's our second POV character, local hedonist Amira. Simple wants, simple needs, very interesting ways of achieving those. I kinda tailored her to embody the part of Monster Prom that is about rampant sociopathy and making terrible impulse choices. Any character who is fucking both Damien and Polly is a force to be reckoned with, in my humble opinion. Here's her stats!
> 
> Amira:  
> Smarts: 7  
> Boldness: 21  
> Creativity: 10  
> Charm: 14  
> Fun: 18  
> Money: 0


	3. Chapter 3

You know what you're really sick of? Opening scrawls that describe your personality, history, and current/planned sexual exploits like you're some kind of moron who needs your own life narrated out to you because you forgot the last two to five weeks. So you're going to make this quick.

Your name is Brian. You like to think of yourself as a pretty cool cat - cool enough to hijack the intro scrawl, anyways. You've been dating Liam for about a week now, and it's been super great.

Also, you're not really into sex, so you'd appreciate it if that could get shunted into another point of view, thanks. Amira's or Oz's, maybe? God knows they think about it enough.

Anyways. You're on your way to the auditorium, where you're going to meet up with Liam after he finishes up evening practice for the play - no idea when that thing is actually going to end up showing, but he puts his all into it and you admire that. Also, unrelated, but you're extremely fucking gay.

You take a seat up in one of the back rows - specifically, one of the rows set aside for handicapped people or some shit. (Fascinating that this school actually thinks handicapped people have a snowball's chance in hell of surviving around a pack of amoral psychopaths, but that's neither here nor there.) This is important because of your brilliant plan: see, there's no seats next to this one. Sure would be a shame if somebody came by and wanted to sit down. Guess they'd have to sit on your lap. Oops!

Haha, yeah. Oops.

You wait a little while, and eventually Liam emerges from backstage, back in normal clothes. He walks up to you and gives you a look - neutral, small mix of curiosity and irritation - when he notices the seat you're in. You lean back so he has plenty of room and flash him a look of your own - mischievous as fuck and down to cuddle. "Ironically," of course.

Plan goes off without a hitch. You spend a minute or two sitting in silence before finally Liam moves.

"I am never going to get this play up to my standards." Liam moans as he sits back.

You can't help but shake your head. You remind him he's trying to wrangle one of the most unreliable groups known to monsterkind - second only to middle schoolers - into telling a coherent narrative. He can't expect miracles.

"No one appreciates my genius." Liam says, his hands splayed out in frustration.

Hey, now, not true. You do.

Liam turns his head up to look up at you. Shit, you're gay. "Would you be willing to give it a look over, Brian? Much as I don't want to compromise my message for the masses, I'd like for it to... Well. Get to the masses. So they can fail to appreciate it properly. There's only one monster I trust for that, besides myself."

Goddamnit. You were going to suggest the two of you spend the evening rewatching Naruto and then writing fanfiction pretending nothing past the Chunin Exam arc ever happened. But you can't say no to that face, or to that cheap, cheap appeal to your ego. 

You agree to give it a look-over, at least.

"Perfect! In that case, I'll give you the screenplay, and meet you at my apartment in an hour." Liam gets up. Boo. "I'll get us an organically grown, free-range, unethically sourced human to share."

...

You tell him to make it an O positive. He says it has no impact on the taste of brains, you _very_ much beg to differ, and of course you've been up and down this conversation many a time. It ends with you settling on an O negative. It'll do. 

As long as it's with good company, anyways. You flip through the screenplay. Time to save Liam's latest disasterpiece.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone say hello to the local functional gay who kind of has their life put together. By comparison, at least. Brian embodies the part of Monster Prom that is just aggressively self-aware and mocking but accepting of all of the dumb bullshit that goes on at this fucking school. His dating the most meta motherfucker at this school is no coincidence. His stat spread was intentionally crafted with care.
> 
> Brian:  
> Smarts: 15  
> Boldness: 10  
> Creativity: 20  
> Charm: 15  
> Fun: 5  
> Money: 5
> 
> I can't wait to get back to these dumbasses... t b h...


	4. Chapter 4

Wow, you sure are glad you got accepted onto the cheer team! You've been trying to get in for a while, but there was this one really mean girl who said you didn't have what it took to make it in cheer. Boy, it sure was a shame when she mysteriously vanished! Sweet of everybody else on the cheer team to let you in as a replacement.

Now that you're here, though, you're gonna make the most of it! You do the BEST cheerleading moves - moves that your author doesn't know and doesn't care to research, so they're gonna make them up. The Applejack! The Morgan Freeman! The Brutal Betty! You wow your side into action and stun the opposition, especially when you murder two of the opposing cheerleaders for looking at you funny. (From across the field! What the _fuck,_ Vicky??) And your side won The Game! You don't know if it was The Big Game or not. You'll have to ask Scott. And ask Scott you do!

"It wasn't The Big Game!" Scott says. His tail wags like it always does after he wins a game. So cute! "But it was still an important game!"

You're glad you could help, then! When Scott's happy, you're happy.

"You're a great friend!" Scott tells you. "Sometimes friends ask you to do bad things or make you really confused. But you never do that! That's why you're great!"

You would never. That's part of why you like Scott, he never confuses you. Except for the times he does, but he never confuses you when he knows what he's doing. So it counts. You tell him you should get together and do something soon. Weekend, maybe?

"Oh, this weekend's not good," Scott whines. His ears tilt back a bit. "It's gonna be a full moon."

You nod understandingly. You can meet up for lunch sometime next week, then.

"Yeah!" Scott nods. His face lights up in an instant. "You should invite your girlfriend, too!"

You should! Your girlfriend is very, very important to you, and you want her to get to know some nice people around the school, nice like Scott!

"Great! It's a date, then! WINK."

You're not sure that's what a date is supposed to be, but you don't know enough on the subject to argue the point. Scott leaves for the locker room, and you leave to go see someone very, very important to you.

"Hey, gurl!" Valerie gives you a pair of fingerguns in greeting as you stroll up to her current makeshift storefront. "Business or pleasure?"

You'd think she would know by now, but definitely not business.

"Oh, right, I forgot you were broke af." Valerie leans back, picking something out of her teeth with a toothpick after she speaks. "This is gonna sound funny from a shopkeep, but you gotta stop buying junk you don't need."

You have a very simple flowchart that determines junk you need. Is it cool-looking? If yes, BUY.

"Well, can't argue with that logic." Valerie flicks the toothpick away and into the trash can. "Been enjoying your latest purchases?"

Oh, absolutely. You're so glad you bought that last thing you got from her. It's been great, though you can't believe she made you pay full price for it.

"Customer's a customer, no matter how sweet they are." She winks at you. Damn! Slay, gurl. "Anything else you're here for, then?"

Yeah! You wanted to ask Valerie if she would be good with meeting your new girlfriend. Her face sparks with interest for a moment before frowning.

"You know that..." Valerie pauses. "Well. I'm not gonna _stop_ you, but I just have a few reservations about this whole thing."

You give her your strongest disinterested look.

"Not gonna stop you!" She repeats, shrugging. "Just saying, I think I'll pass on the meet n' greet for now. Good luck with that, though."

You roll your eyes. Fine! Be that way.

We'll just see what Aaravi thinks of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my dumb, sweet, vicious disaster child. She would fight god and win. She probably has. She embodies the part of the game where the main character is an idiot and solves all of their problems with gratuitous, petty violence. As for her girlfriend.... well.... it was GONNA come up this chapter, until SOMEONE, who shall go nameless, gave me a terrible idea instead.
> 
> [2:59 PM] Jimcloud: the unfortunate thing is this chapter would be RLY SHORT if I don't include her girlfriend so im like  
> [2:59 PM] Jimcloud: _sweats_  
>  [2:59 PM] Jimcloud: where do i go frm here  
> [3:00 PM] Robo: Hmmmm  
> [3:01 PM] Robo: That's a good question :thinking:  
> [3:01 PM] Robo: Maybe have her go to Valerie and the people are like shit is she dating Valerie?? And it's like NOPE  
> [3:01 PM] Jimcloud: LMAO  
> [3:01 PM] Jimcloud: holy SHIT that's incredible  
> [3:01 PM] Jimcloud: i love it  
> [3:02 PM] Robo: Her girlfriend is just an eternal mystery  
> [3:03 PM] Jimcloud: hjb.DHDHHFDHBKFkjbgFKD  
> [3:03 PM] Jimcloud: GOD
> 
> [3:07 PM] Jimcloud: I WILL GIV U ONE (1) FULL CHAPTER  
> [3:08 PM] Robo: ONE WHOLE CHAPTER... THANK U
> 
> Sorry, did I say nameless? I meant named and shamed, publicly. Anyways, here's Vicky's shit.
> 
> Vicky:  
> Smarts: 2  
> Boldness: 24  
> Creativity: 5  
> Charm: 26  
> Fun: 13  
> Money: 0
> 
> My minmaxed child... regardless. Next time, uh... I have no idea what I'm going to do next time, I'm not going to lie to you. You think I fuckin' rehearse my fluffy slice of life bullshit?? what kind of shitshow do u think im running here. We'll see. Taking suggestions for dumb shit to happen to these children. If I think it's funny, I WILL write it. And you'll have to live with it.


	5. Chapter 5

You always seem to find yourself in these kinds of situations. You're not sure why, but you'd really rather it stopped.

Damien looks pissed - bad - and Vera looks bored - worse. The demon prince fiddles with a lighter in his hand, compulsively flicking it on and off. The noise irritates you, but it seems to keep him from flying off the handle, so there's that.

"Look, I'm not asking you to fucking make money appear out of thin air." Damien says. His furled brow and snarl suits him, you think.

"I'm booked." Vera sips a bit of her scotch before speaking again. "Besides, I only ever rob banks with Polly anymore. Ambush finance is our trademark."

"Yeah, that's what she said." He pockets his lighter and grips the lunch table instead. Not in a table-throwing way, you think. Well, you hope. "Are there _ANY_ crimes you fuckers are up for anymore?"

"Identity fraud. Embezzlement." You know murder's on the list too, but she seems to be going specifically for spiting Damien today. You can respect that, even if you don't exactly... trust it.

Damien slams his fist on the table, nearly knocking it over. This is why you didn't trust it!

"Go fuck yourself, I'm out." Damien glares at Vera with a look like he's ready to maim her. It's incredibly hot. You'd like for him to maim you... you mean _what._ By the time you compose yourself, he's already left.

"Don't worry about him. He'll come crawling back later." Vera shrugs her shoulders as she drinks a bit more scotch. You're not sure if she's trying to convince you or herself.

You think there are probably more important things to worry about than Damien.

"Oh, absolutely. He's small-time." Vera grins. It makes you smile, too, shadows bubbling open across your face. "Speaking of big-time..." She looks at you. Your heart skips a beat. "Did you manage to buy out Disney yet?"

Shit, right. You were supposed to do that. You shake your head. They have way too much money.

Vera's lips purse. "We need to do something to undermine people's confidence in them. Which is when I-" she looks at you, catches herself, " _-we_ come in, make an offer they can't refuse, and turn the company around with my cleverly designed, extremely relatable strong female characters. A struggling property is easier to acquire. But how?"

You think for a moment. What if Liam drafts a number of impassioned, angry blog posts about the state of several of Disney's properties and their sexist, heteronormative approach to romance and image? Faith in the company plummets, then opportunity strikes.

"Hmm."

_AND_ Damien stages a "protest" or two at nearby theaters.

"Perfect." Vera shoots you _that_ look, the one that makes you think _you_ might walk away with a happy ending, even if Disney won't. She calls Damien and says she has a job for him after all, pulling the phone away from her ear for his first response. She tells him it involves burning things, and she doesn't even have to pull back the second time. You're in, pal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Oz, and we actually get to add Vera up in this bitch. Thank god. Today the gang tackles their most dangerous foe of all... The Mouse.


End file.
